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From empowered.. To sh*t scared and slightly embarrassed..

From empowered.. To sh*t scared and slightly embarrassed..

Monday Hustle's Diary

Right, cool I resigned. Coooool! I’m such a rebel.. A badass.. A hustler.. Oh wait, no, scratch that. I’m crazy. I left a perfectly respectable 9-5 for what? Nothing. What. Will people think of me??

The general vibe people give off when I tell them I’ve resigned is that I’m an idiot. I can see what they are thinking; ‘What makes her so sure of herself? What reason does she have to think that she’ll ‘make it’? What makes her so entitled to just shove everything she’s been given, every opportunity she’s had, back in people’s faces? What a waste of so many peoples’ time!’ Now, they won’t necessarily say this to you face, but they will definitely make sure you feel stressed and inadequately awkward about your decision. ‘Your poor parents must wonder what they have done wrong!’ ‘Wow, you’re really.. Er.. Confident, aren’t you?’ ‘Classic Gen Y, thinking they can have everything right now, LOL JJ!’.

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Now, it wouldn’t be human to say that I wasn’t a little bit sh*t scared myself, but all of these thoughts did cross my own mind a hundred times when I initially decided to resign. Back then, the future seemed totally exciting, and my future self looked totally secure. But I guess when you get closer.. And closer.. And closer to being out in the big wide world, and are forced to admit that once this job is actually over, I actually have nothing to go to. Absolutely. Nothing. I must be crazy. What was I thinking. I’m actually insane.

CUE LIFE-CRISIS!!!

At this point, you fall in to a manic depressive state and laugh-cry into a massive bag of salt and vinegar Kettles (my weakness) while watching Requiem for a Dream over and over again (legal stream, of course). But you know what? You actually need this crisis. You need to question everything you’ve just inflicted on yourself – the unsurety, the panic, the stress.. And not just because chips are delicious and the salt from your tears just makes for a bigger flavour hit.. And also not just because Requiem for a Dream reflects human fallibility and it totally relates to that psychology paper you did at uni and finally you’re seeing some relevance from it.. But because it wouldn’t be the right decision if you didn’t personally question why you are doing what you are.

When you rationally reflect on your decision to enter the unknown, naturally, you panic. You doubt yourself. Your eyes go all wide with anxiety and your chin pops out a few fresh pimples (cheers, skin – really helping right now). But what this leads to (once your heart rate returns to normal and the Neutrogena kicks in) is a re-affirmation about the choice you’ve made. It reminds you that if something is going to happen, it’s up to you and your snotty nose alone. You address all of the negative ‘what-ifs’ by suffering through them, surviving, realizing that none of it has actually happened yet and that the only person who can create something positive is you.

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Girl, haters gon’ hate. People are going to question you. You are going to question yourself! But remember, in the end, your Dream is up to you and you alone. Not the haters or the doubters, whose negativity often stems from their unfortunate tall poppy syndrome. Not that little voice in your head whose sole purpose is to send you negative vibes. It’s up to your own conscious, rational, badass self. So stop. Breathe. Wipe those tears. Shut that laptop. Take that negative energy, and turn it in to positive motivation to start putting your Dream in to action. You can now calmly tell yourself and those around you not to worry –  cause you got this. #MondayHustle

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Written by mondayhustler

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