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Monday. That is all.

Monday. That is all.

Hustle Hacks

Monday’s at work actually suck balls. Big old crusty balls.*

It’s a global fact of life. No one likes them. I once met this baby on an Monday who looked at me, sighed said in a dull empathetic tone, ‘Mondays huh’. A BABY. It was like his first Monday in existence! He doesn’t even do anything yet!

Anyway, why the sh*t are Monday’s at work so hard to face? A question often pondered by the greats of society – rumour has it that even Plato struggled to find philosophy-spiration on a Monday, just cause of the fact (possibly made up). Here are my main reasons for despising the day that sets the tone for the rest of the week:

  • Most obviously, the weekend has itself, ended

The party’s over, guys. No more sleeping in. No more loose scheduling. No more extended brunch potential. It’s all on – you’re answerable. You’re contactable. You’re responsible. Structure is imminent. And with Sunday a glorious memory so fresh you can still taste the bacon– the stark comparison is enough to get us willing to relive the worst hangover we’ve ever had just not to not be at work.

  • Monday means having to talk to people you may not gel with in an out of work context
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Me + Sharon.. And Hugh.

The way I see this scenario play out: Ok ok, whoa Sharon, hold up there for a minute.. I’ve got something to say. Ya-know what? I just really don’t share the same enthusiasm as you about your cat doing something really ‘cute’ and eating chocolate at the dinner table but then having explosive diarrhoea as a result all weekend.. Like, I’ve just had breakfast. Plus it’s depressing how much you talk about Moggy. I do not need to know about your flippin’ cats bowel movements!!  If you’re spending your entire salary on disinfectant, that’s your business Sharon, not mine!! *Strut away in my Louis Vuittons*

The way is actually plays out: ‘Haha, cute, lol. *swallow vomit*’

  •  People try to one up eachother about how ‘insert anything about their weekend’ was and it gets kind of old fast..

‘Oh, you were up til 3am? Well, I was up til SUNRISE!! Yeah – you know when the sun rises? And it’s early? Like, say 6am? I saw that, yeah, and before I saw it? I didn’t even sleep!’

‘Ok, so on Saturday morning, I cooked this amaaazing bacon sandwich and.. You’ll never guess what.. I ate it!’ ‘Really?? Well I cooked bacon too and I didn’t eat it!’ ‘Wow, you’re so controlled’

‘Like, seriously I was so drunk.’ ‘Ohmigod, me too, like, so drunk.’ ‘OMG really? Ok, well like you don’t even understand, I was so drunk, that I started pashing this pole instead of my boyfriend.’ ‘Oh, haha, that’s funny, well I was so drunk that I had to get my stomach pumped!’ ‘LOL! You’re such a card! I was so drunk that for seven minutes, I died!’

Ok. People. Whoa. Chill and think about whether this is the kind of stuff you actually want to be ‘good’ at.. Is staying up late the coolest? Is enjoying delicious food something to be ashamed of? Is getting fully munted enviable? Back to Dream chasing, me thinks..

  • Monday rhymes with fun-day. The irony.

Until you can tell me that going to work on a Monday entails f300ree coffee, the option to bring your best friend to work, and a bouncy castle in the foyer for whenever you feel like some childish joy, you cannot compare Monday with a ‘fun-day’. Monday means work. More work. Catching up on work. Remedying the work that might have gone wrong over the weekend. Having amazing intentions which never actually come to fruition (cough, getting up at 6 to exercise but failing and saying the dreaded “next Monday I’ll start”). Mondays are lame. There, I said it.

  • Mondays suck according to science

Mondayitis is a thing, and not just because it’s hard to get motivated. Go back to what I wrote earlier. Mondays suck. Everybody thinks so! Did you believe me? Probably! And if on a Monday, something goes wrong, what do we do? Blame it on it just being Monday. If everybody shares the belief that Mondays suck, and we do nothing to challenge this belief, then we are more likely to engage the part of our brain that seeks confirmation bias – that is, we look for things to support and validate our beliefs in line with what we expect will be our reality. We look for things to prove us right! For example, if we go in to Monday expecting to be over-worked, under-resourced and under-valued, then we will grunt at every task, roll our eyes at every request and feel like crawling in to an ice cave to hibernate with the polar bears whenever the phone rings. We have already made up our minds that Mondays suck – and therefore, it will (poof, science, whoa!).

But no! This is not fair! Monday is an amazing day with as much potential for fun/satisfaction as any! We need to reclaim our Monday’s and repackage them as a day to look forward to, a day to be inspired, a day to WIN… I will follow up with how we can make Monday an actual fun day soon. Any thoughts/ideas, comment below!

*I mean balls like a crusty old tennis ball.. Not human balls… Get your mind out of the gutter!

#MondayHustle

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Written by mondayhustler

2 Comments
  1. Monday’s child is fair of face. Maybe because they start the week with a smile!

  2. After work activities are key to enjoying Monday! The day goes much quicker when you’re getting pumped for your indoor netball game at 5.35pm against a bunch of high school kids who you’re also loads taller than.. Dust off the skirt and hustle the courts!

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