Why the people that mind do matterMonday Hustle's Diary
There you are glowing with excitement, prospect and a great sense of pride. You’re sitting there, absolutely fizzing because you have just made a life-changing decision – you are going to put your Dream in to action. Agh, it’s ridiculous!! You reckon you have the drive, the backing, a sound plan of attack.. Thinking about it puts your whole life in perspective, gives you a massive sense of purpose and kick starts that desire for wanting more out of this life. So what do you do? Naturally, you want to tell people, to share this glorious newfound state of being.
Trouble is, while a few people are supportive, most people just simply stare back at you quizzically like you’ve had one too many crazy pills that morning. You wonder why they aren’t on board with your excitement, so you inquisitively ask ‘what is it’? They look down, laugh a little as they speak, and their responses may include, but certainly are not limited to: ‘well, that sounds good in theory, but.. Do you really think you can make a life out of that?’ ‘I heard that the demand in that area is going waaay down’ ‘Your parents must be so stressed out about your future!’ ‘I’m just worried that you’re never going to be happy’ And my personal favourite since it doesn’t beat around the bush, ‘Have you thought about the many ways in which you could fail?’
Any of this sound familiar? Although we don’t like to admit it, we care a lot about what other people think. We have been conditioned since birth to seek approval. We want to feel a sense of inclusion, we want to be involved in community, we don’t want to be laughed at and gossiped about the moment we turn our backs. We want to foster as many relationships as we can, and we don’t want to go against the grain. All of this is totally human.
However, when we are dealing with the Dream, this can be severely detrimental. And other people are the reason why I have lost focus on what it is I want out of life before.
I know that I have been gossiped about. I know that people have rolled their eyes at me with patronizing doubt. I know that lots of people not only don’t think I have it in me to make my Dream happen, but that they actually don’t want me to make it happen. And it is an extremely difficult position to be in, especially when it is a position I have now committed to (in an extremely public way!). From feeling amazing to feeling like sh*t can take just one ‘caring’ cautionary sentence which carries underlying negativity. And that can de-motivate you to the point of throwing your Dreamy ideas to the wind and saying to hell with it, may as well go and rest with the crocodiles, there’s no point even trying..
But there totally is. The people who mind are just another obstacle in the Dream chase. This is a time to be your own biggest fan and you can’t afford to lose focus!
So over time, I have come up with a little process I call the ‘ARTT of getting over it’, and I employ this tactic whenever I am faced with external doubt. I Acknowledge the concern. I Reaffirm what it is I want to achieve. I Thank them personally for their input. And I go away and Think logically about whatever it is they have cast doubt over, and come up with a plan to overcome that possible scenario. I separate their words from them personally, and think about the many places the need to cut others down can come from; insecurity, jealousy, dissatisfaction, fear, envy.. And at the end of the day, what this tells me is that I need to make it happen. I need to make my Dream happen so that the people that doubted my vision will question why they felt the need to cast that shadow of doubt. I need to show them that it is possible, so that they might change their response from negative to supportive in future. I need to make it happen so that maybe they can find it within themselves to change their own situation, to make their own Dreams a reality.
Now don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I am any better than these people; in fact I am sure we have all been ‘the person that minds’ to someone at some point in our lives, and it can come from a pretty toxic head space.
So this is all the more reason to make sure you go away and think their concerns through with a clear mind. Instead of letting other peoples’ reactionary doubt cut our Dreams off at the knees, we need to go through the motions of recognizing what their concerns actually are and understanding the places they might come from in order to move forward. Remember, it’s only when being faced with the prospect of negative judgement that we start to panic. The people that mind are an important lesson in self affirmation. And the people that mind do matter. Because these people might actually need you to make your Dream happen more than you’ll ever know. #MondayHustle