The leap of faith on a leap day
Today, we’re pretty lucky.
Why? We get an extra flippin’ day! It’s February 29th. The day that only exists once every 4 years. And whadya know.. It has fallen on a Monday this year. What. Is. Happening. With Monday’s?! It’s like ever since we started acknowledging them for the awesome day they are, Monday’s have started to provide! It’s weird that we think about days as having character. Ok, new hashtag goal – “Personification Of The Day – A book of poems by Monday Hustle”.
I started to do some reading about why leap days exist, and here’s what I got..
“All the other months in the Julian calendar have 30 or 31 days, but February lost out to the ego of Roman Emperor Caesar Augustus.”
And that’s where I stopped reading.
Just from reading that one sentence though, I’m sure that Caesar Augustus’ ego is probably more inflated than ever.. ‘Cause now we celebrate leap days for being individual, rare and exclusive. Ja Rule was born on a leap day. So was Pope Paul III. Not sure what the universe is trying to tell us with all of that.
In Italy apparently leap years are bad news.. Why? Because women become erratic. For an entire year? What on earth! They probably get an extra period or something.
Anyway, thought I’d give you an update on where I’m at, seeing as I haven’t really given you a run down this YEAR! Can you believe it’s almost March?!
Well, probably, since the first part of this article is all about how it’s a leap day, ie, last day of February.
This year has actually been hugely challenging so far. It all just feels a little stale. Like, I still have the same goals.. I’m still striving for the same things.. I’m still pushing every day for everything I set out to achieve..
But it somehow feels different. It feels tough. It feels slower, perhaps. It sometimes feels contrived. I don’t feel like I have the same level of motivation to offer you. I don’t feel like I’m offering myself the same level of motivation I was once capable of. And I don’t know what’s changed..
It’s not that things aren’t happening.. Things are there, slowly ticking away in the background… But I guess I came in to this year with such zest and positivity, I guess I came in to this year hoping for it all to fall in to place, I guess I came in with the feeling that this year might be a little easier than last..
But it hasn’t been. It’s been harder.
I have to be honest. Yesterday, I was even questioning the future of Monday Hustle. I started to feel anxious about this space and the direction, because I couldn’t conclude what value it was I had to offer.
I began to feel lost. And for the first time, I began to feel embarrassed that I was still doing this with no tangible long term results. I began to feel self-conscious in knowing that everything I achieve, or don’t achieve is out there ready to be consumed. I began to feel like a tall poppy, began wondering what it is I’m hoping to prove with all of this.
I don’t know why we put so much emphasis on time, but as I said on Instagram last night, it’s been nearly 9 months since I resigned.
That’s 3 months short of a year.
That’s a full pregnancy term.
In that time, supposedly you can grow 4.5 inches of hair.
In that time, you can also quit your job, and still be trying to make shit happen, with no clear or consistent end in sight..
And it’s disheartening. And it’s tough. At times, it even gets lonely. I hate it when people ask what I do, because immediately after I tell them, the focus shifts from what I do do, to what I don’t do, and what I don’t have (ie, a stable job and a regular pay cheque).
No wonder at times I feel like a failure!
But, when it all gets tough, and I’ve exhausted my internal resilience, I have to look elsewhere for support to avoid having a break down in the middle of Ponsonby Road with a takeaway coffee cup that’s actually filled with water because I can’t afford coffee right now but feel I have to keep up appearances..
So what keeps me going?
Knowing that you’re rooting for me.
Yes, you, reading this right now. The person who follows me on Instagram, who ‘likes’ me on Facebook, the person who comments, shares, messages, calls, the person who empathizes with my salt n vinegar chip addiction.. You. The stranger. The friend. The follower. The hustler. The person who gets it, the person who understands, the person who is still here with me 9 months in, checkin’ this out on a Monday!
And for that? I cannot emphasize my appreciation and gratitude enough.
I hope that in some small way, I can be that person for you. ‘Cause this time, even if it seems slow and pointless and even unfair, is supposedly a temporary state. One day, it will pay off. It will be worth it. One day, I swear it will even make sense!
Maybe we still have a lot to learn. Maybe we still have situations to encounter. Maybe we just need to give ourselves enough grace to sit back and trust in this crazy journey.
This year is a leap year. Today is February 29th. And that means that already in 2016, we’ve been blessed with an extra day of hustling, and an extra reminder to trust in this leap of faith we’ve taken.. Whether we are more erratic or not, there is no way that this extra day can be a bad omen. This is our year. This is our time. This is our hustle. Go get it.
How is 2016 treating you? Am I the only one who feels this way? Let me know in the comments!