So, last week was a bit of a challenge. I had a bit of a panic. I went through a bit of stress.
My defenses were down. My resilience was low. I allowed myself to sink in to that zone.. You know the one.. I mentioned it on the ‘gram last night. I was in the ‘what the F*CK am I doing with my life?!’ zone.
I reckon it was March being the sneaky old month it is that did it. After all, it was January an hour ago.. And now we’re apparently already 1/4 of the way through the third month of the year!? It’s Autumn?! I can justifiably wear only brown, beige and navy now?? Time is such a lovable, stressful little menace!
When things get a little overwhelming, I always try to gain some perspective by looking back on something awesome. I try to review something that I know I was once ridiculously proud of. I try to coach myself back in to the ‘this is what the f*ck I’m doing with my life’ zone.
So last week, I took some time to read over all of my blog posts. Every. Single. One of them. That’s 54 posts. Fifty-four. I could have read Shantaram 17 times, but instead, I went from post one to 54, cringe videos and all (how much eggnog had I consumed when I performed Christmas Chair?!).
And.. I have to admit.. Going back over the posts.. Was kind of terrifying and awesome at the same time. Here’s why..
My last day at work was Friday, July 5th, 2015. That’s exactly 9 months and 2 days ago. And through reading my posts, I realized why I was feeling anxious. Why I was feeling stressed. Why I was feeling like a slight failure. Because I realized all of the things I’ve lost since then…
A list of what I have lost since July 2015:
- Traditional employment
- A regular pay-cheque
- A stress free coffee date
- A consistent routine
- A boss
- Salt and vinegar chips (LOL, JK)
And that all stressed me out a little bit last week (ok, let’s not kid, it stressed me out a huge bit). I allowed those anxieties a voice. And the worst part? I listened. At the peak of overwhelm, in that so-manic-I’m-calm sort of way, I remember saying to myself ‘yo, human, get your shit sorted ASAP because you’re a bit of an embarrassment’.
Ouch. Possibly not fair. I mean, I was red, but not from embarrassment – more from wild irrational anxiety as implied above.
However, after the stress started to subside, and my resilience was no longer suppressed by mania, I started to think differently about it all (PHEW!). I started to flip it around. I began to think about the awesome things that have since grown and therefore replaced what I haven’t had since July last year. And this list is quite incredibly great..
A list of what I have gained since July last year:
- Ridiculously exciting, Lucy-hustle-on-point contract work
- The ability to budget accordingly
- Interesting and inspiring meetings with all sorts of different people
- A life where no two days are ever the same
- Self-motivation, drive and creativity
- Salt and vinegar chips WITH kiwi onion dip (my celebratory go-to)
And, from realizing all of that, I realized even more (it was like an internal synaptic rave in my brain)..
I realized how much I’ve learnt.
I realized how far I’ve come.
I realized that I can do it, that I can keep going, that I do have my own back in this.
Before July 5th 2015, I wasn’t sure. I didn’t know. I wasn’t honest with myself. I wasn’t pushing my limits. And I was totally insecure about it all – a sure sign that I was in the wrong place.
But come March 7th 2016? I’m a new person.
Because I’ve learnt that my limits are only what I make them. I’ve learnt that hustle is always going to be tough.. It’s going to be challenging.. It’s going to be hard.. But I’ve learnt that whatever happens, whatever I go through, whatever curve balls are thrown at me, I am strong enough to keep going. I’m passionate enough to continue. I’m capable of getting through the rough stuff that comes with it.
And the best bit? I still have the underlying sense that it’s going to be worth it.
So I’m gonna keep hustling to make it happen.
How are you feeling about your hustle right now? Does the fact that it’s March stress you out, or motivate you even more? Comment below!