What really was the point?
Wow. Holy heavens. Jeepers creepers. Heck heckenish heckobamalama.
It feels like an age since I sat down to write a blog post. An absolute age. What does that even mean? ‘An age since’.. What age?! Like, zero is technically an age isn’t it? People exist as a zero year old.. None of us would be here if we didn’t live through the age of zero. It’s not like with times tables where adding a zero in to the equation is like adding a single mosquito to a camping trip.. You’re done.
Anyway, whatever, what I’m trying to say is that it feels like a long time since I sat down to write a blog post. I know it hasn’t been that long, as of course I’ve published something every single Monday this year.. But I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s been a long time since I’ve felt positively connected to what I’ve been writing.
I’d be lying if I said that the first couple of months of the year were anything other than confusing, challenging, testing and emotional. Even though there were a few incredible experiences scattered in there (Japan being one!), the overall feeling between the months of January and February was a slightly muddled one. And as a result of this, I did lose direction. I began to lose purpose. In some ways, I lost my sense of hope and motivation, which is a dangerous headspace for anyone to be in.
But they say you have to hit rock bottom before inciting change, and since resigning last June, that was definitely the closest I’ve been. After some reflection, I realized that it was time for me to start swimming against the relentless current of demotivation and attempt to resurface in more ways than one.
Now, you know what I decided to do in an attempt to pull myself back in line.. You’re looking right at it! Organizing the re-launch of this website as well as the re-launch party was my life between March and.. Well, last week. Over that time, I struggled to sleep. I forgot to shower (gross, but seriously). I was a little stressed (and by little I mean big). I forgot to respond to emails and messages (sorry if you had to wait a little longer than usual!). I was so busy, I even had to make a point of scheduling ‘friend time’ in to my diary. “Tuesday, 10am – 11.30am – ‘friend time’.” Who was I, Suzy Cato!?
But even though it was stressful.. Even though I really wasn’t feeling it at first.. Even though at no point was I certain I could pull it off.. Even though I had no idea where to start.. My past self knew that I had to take a punt, knew that I had to get out of my comfort zone, knew that I had to completely lose myself in something in order to move forward.
My past self is an asshole-ish yet wise self indeed. My past self backed my future self to make it happen, despite every doubt, every hesitation, every what if.. And, to my past self’s credit, here the flip we are. Every single element was a great success! Organizing that party as well as the re-launch proved to me that I am capable of achieving far more than I initially thought – a knowledge that has expanded my comfort zone as well as raised my personal bar – and those facts alone if nothing else make the whole venture positively worthwhile.
I hadn’t even had a chance to reflect, to promote or to capitalize on the new website and the success of the party. To be honest, although I was super stoked, after the excitement had all subsided it left me feeling void of any directional energy at all. So, to counter this feeling as you know I went away for a couple of days last week just to re-energize and re-focus – and it was the best thing ever. I didn’t realize how exhausted and stressed I really was until I sat down and stared at the ocean for two hours straight without even noticing that time was passing. Boy, oh boy did I need that getaway!!
However, with all it’s stress, uncertainty, fear and vulnerability.. Do I regret anything about this year at all?
What if I hadn’t felt confused and challenged.. Would the re-launch ever have happened? What if I hadn’t felt stagnant.. Would I have been motivated to create momentum on my own? What if I hadn’t had my world shaken up in confronting ways.. Would I have realized as clearly the importance of taking positive risks in the direction of your dreams? What if I hadn’t become immersed in the madness of the re-launch.. What kinds of opportunities might I never had known, what contacts might I never had made, what would I never have learnt about my personal abilities?
The hustle sure is a funny old game. Nothing feels deliberate, nothing is certain, nothing feels like a sure bet.. Often, it’s not fun, often it feels unfair, often the work and the stress seem to outweigh the payoffs, even when that work and stress is totally awesome.
But whenever I feel overwhelmed, I try to bring to front of mind that we have absolutely no idea what’s coming, when it’s coming. We hustlers do not know what will result from any of our actions, however big or small they may feel. We do not know what we are capable of until we commit to getting out of our comfort zone. We do not know how we are changing the lives of other people by being open about our struggles as well as our successes.
So what does that all mean? That we gotta keep at it. Because good things don’t come easy. Good things are challenging. Good things are often the end result of getting through something ‘bad’. Good things often happen after we feel we have exhausted every possible avenue.. And then try one more. After all, this is how we grow, how we learn, and how we move forward with a better understanding of who we are, where we want to go and how much we can achieve. While the hustle may feel tough – you, my friend, are far tougher than a moment in time.
The hustle is, as always, scarily alive, and awesomely real – and I reckon that, despite the ups and downs, the awesome and scary parts might well be the point of why we choose to keep hustling ever, at all!