Remind me why I decided to do this again?

Warning: this post may put you off the hustle.

Truth is. It’s been a weird year. I wouldn’t go as far to say that it’s been a shit year, as lots of good has happened.. No, really, I’m sure it has. Despite that fact that I can’t really think of anything off the top of my head aside from the summer heat, a few standout coffees and The Warehouse ad, I’m sure that 2016 has been full of awesome things (help?).

However personally, the hustle momentum, the hustle progress, the hustle vibe?

That has definitely felt quite shit.

Re-launch of the website and party aside, it’s been hard for me to stay motivated in my day to day life. It’s been hard to exist in a constant state of creation. It’s been getting harder and harder to remember why the feck I decided to do this in the first place.

I find my mind wandering back to the 9-5 extremely often these days. I never thought there’d come a time where I’d actually want multiple layers of people working above me, where I’d want work handed to me, where I’d want to be paid for doing things that I personally find uninspiring. I never thought I’d crave being able to run on autopilot, having a routine that was predetermined, having to sit in traffic so as not to be late for a 9am start.

With the hustle, it’s very different. I’m the only one who cares if I do anything productive with my day. I’m the one who has to live with the decisions and progress I’ve made (or lack thereof). I’m the one who checks in with my bank balance and watches it steadily venture south. I’m the one who stays awake at night wondering what more I could and should be doing, what piece of the puzzle is missing, what it is I’m doing wrong.

And the worst part? I’m the one who at the end of each unsuccessful day has to battle the voice in my head telling me that maybe it’s because I have nothing valuable left to offer. 

See, the truth is, this journey is an incredibly lonely one. Don’t believe anyone who tells you otherwise. I thought that knowing this fact before I ventured in to the hustle equated to being able to handle it.

How naive!

See, I don’t think that anything can really prepare you for the silence and the confusion and the consistent stream of rejection that inevitably comes when you start to push for what it is you want. It’s you and you alone who’s going to have to take it all on the chin. It’s you who’s going to have to muster the motivation to keep moving. It’s you who is going to have to get your ass up out of bed each morning, even when you have nowhere to be. It’s you who is going to have to decide to keep pushing every day. It’s you who is going to have to work to ignore every cell in your body that’s telling you it’s time to quit.

It’s not f*cking easy. In fact, most days, it’s kind of horrible.

I knew this would take time. I knew there’d be moments where I’d feel stuck. I knew that there would be times where I’d question what I’m doing.

I just didn’t think all of these feelings would occur on such a regular and consistent basis.

Fair to say that my resilience is waning. If not for the amazing support networks I have and the people who continue to believe in me (ie, YOU!), I would have already initiated plan B, which is to sell my soul and become a tobacco sales person (it had to be a bit ridiculous so plan A is always going to be more appealing). That quote I posted on Instagram this morning holds far more weight for me right now than I may have let on.

I’m really, really stuck for ideas, and it feels like I have been for quite some time. I’ve tried different avenues, got in front of key decision makers, broken bread with some of the industry’s most successful, and still I feel like I can’t get even a small breakthrough.

Is the universe telling me to give up??

Maybe I’m feeling this way because winter is coming. Maybe it’s because it’s nearly been a year. Maybe it’s because in comparison, 2015 was full of excitement.

Or maybe it’s because there’s some epic shit coming at me just around the corner.

That’s the thought that will keep me going. It has to. Even though it’s is barely audible in all the noise that’s in my brain right now, luckily for me, I can still sense it niggling away there somewhere near the back.

If only I actually believed it.

Hope you’re feeling more positive than me today, Hustlers.



19 Replies to “Remind me why I decided to do this again?”

  1. Hang tight there. Sometimes the challenge is knowing what’s it’s all about when you don’t. I’ve had a couple of friends friends wondering what their direction is and why it feels meaningless.

    Plan a fun afternoon (Parakai springs hot pools, coastal walkway walks, a massage, movie etc) with friends and things will become clearer.

    People like me enjoy what you do!

    1. Hi Mary – you are so right – the challenge is finding the meaning in all the madness and working out a way to hunt for it in the hustle! Important to ponder the ‘why’ as well as the ‘how’. I will get on to planning a fun afternoon immediately and give myself permission to take a little break. Thank you so much for the comment and the support – really means a lot.

  2. Oh Lucy, I’m sorry to hear that it’s getting tough. I really admire you for giving up your job and pushing like hell to get things to happen. Only you know what’s best for you and what you can live with at the end of the day. I really hope you figure out what your next step is xx

    1. Hey Melissa – thank you for the comment!! I’m not about to give up the hustle any time soon, but I’d be lying if I said that there weren’t days where I think about it. Feeling back on top a couple of days on, so am excited to see where this crazy journey takes me next (as well as just a little apprehensive!!). xx

  3. Hey girl, how about putting on a show? Like a motivational show explaining why you left your job and how you’re doing, or contacting schools and going around doing motivational talks? You seem like you’d be great at that girlfriend xx

    1. Hey Wajd – what an awesome idea! Will start to brainstorm that avenue immediately.. Thank you so much babe. Keep up your amazing work. xxx

  4. I think this raw and real conundrum calls for a splurge at a good ol’ coffee shop (a cheap one, cuz the struggle is real lol) with a fellow dream-builder-in-progress. Love the post Lucy. The trials are what its all about. But fo reals .. let’s catchup 🙂

    1. Any sort of day calls for coffee.. But days that involve conumdrums call for a special type of coffee – a coffee that involves catching up and hanging out with friends – so in short, yes! Let’s catch up!! Flick me an email – Thanks for the comment babe! Can’t wait to see you x

  5. Trust me on this – if you went back to 9-5 it would take you all of 5 minutes to realise you made the biggest mistake and would be back out hustling that same day. Remember it’s always darkest before the dawn, you’ll get there Lucy. You’re getting there right now! And don’t forget you’ve got us, a little army of Mondayhustlers, backing you all the way xx

    1. SO TRUE ALICE. Thank you for putting this in perspective. I’ve come too far to turn back now, and I guess a year isn’t long at all in the scheme of life. When I think about it.. I wouldn’t change any part of it. What would I do without my army?? No hustler is an island! Thanks for the support and confidence gf. x

    1. Hey Hayley! Alice is a wise one – and clearly, so are you!! Thanks for the ongoing support, sister. Couldn’t keep going without ya. xxx

  6. Hiya Lucy – the struggle is real.
    I recently made the same move that you did and while I know that realistically the best part of a year will vanish before I have a sustainable business I am filled with doubt after only two weeks.
    It seems that for all the coffees, meetings, contacts I have been unable convert anyone to a paying client (so a steady stream of outgoings and a diminishing bank balance but nothing incoming).
    What I tell myself is that this is what I want to do and it is worth the pain and frustration now. I think of the stress and constant pressure from my roles in the corporate machine and that spurs me on to keep chipping away at this indulgence.
    Keep going babe – you are an inspiration to us that follow behind and you will get there.

    1. Hey Robbie – the struggle is certainly real!!
      It is crazy how time flies when you are the only one creating responsibility and accountability for yourself.. I think I had a near panic attack a couple of weeks in as well!! The good thing is that you believe in this venture, you’re already working to create networks and contacts and you clearly have great internal resilience – so you’re off to a stellar start, and amazing things will definitely be coming – maybe even sooner than you think!
      Thank you so much for the comment. It’s always great to know that I’m not even close to being alone in this, and that there are people out there who not only understand what it can be like, but who are living through the ups and downs as well. Even though it’s tough, we will all be come out better off from this hustle, I just know it!!
      Keep me in the loop with how it all continues. Stay positive Robbie!! We got this.

  7. Hi Lucy. It’s almost been a year for me too. I have had some awesome wins and the feeling of achievement is so amazing!…..better than perhaps one might get when working in the corporate ‘machine’. I have a feeling that the hustle tests us in ways that perhaps we don’t quite understand yet! …I’m starting to see a pattern though. I think, with every rejection and yes there are many, comes a silver lining and although we don’t see that silver lining straight away, if we keep working hard AND smart, it will evolve. Maybe it’s a test of faith. Yep I’m 100% sure of it. Call it ‘hustlers law’ ?. KEEP GOING!

    1. Hey Gretchen – WOW, how crazy is it that we both started to hustle around the same time!! So nice to have a partner in crime 😉 So happy to hear about the wins. And you are so right – the wins that we create for ourselves can’t be compared! Part of the hustle is simply TRYING to make sense of everything that happens – the ups as well as the downs – it’s a mad ride. Love the idea of the ‘hustler’s law’ and totally agree that it exists!! Perhaps we should write a paper on it..! Thanks so much for the comment. Keep up your amazing hustle. Can’t wait to see where this journey takes you, sister!! x

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *