It’s All Go – But Not in the Way I’d Hoped

Hey team!

Checking in pretty quickly today, because as I type, I’m sitting in the hospital waiting room.

You may have read that on Friday morning, as I was heading off to a meeting and feeling ridiculously excited to crack back into it, my left crutch slipped on a wet tile and my body weight landed on my bad leg.

I felt a twang, heard a pop and immediately resigned myself to the fact that my Achilles, which had been trying so hard to heal, had taken another hit (insert all the expletives here).

Damn this interchangeable Auckland weather.

Off to the hospital I went. I spent Friday in the waiting room. Saturday in the waiting room. And I had to be back in said waiting room by 7am this morning.

Thankfully, it’s moving a bit faster today. I literally just had an ultrasound on my leg, and although there can see a few fibres hanging on in there (told you it was healing good!), the doctor has decided that at this point, surgery will be the best option.

Mixed feelings. Curiosity. Optimism. Anxiety. Fear of the unknown.

But the main emotion I’ve felt over the last few days is gutteredness. And yes, I know that’s not really a word, but am taking a grammatical liberty as a way to feel badass again.

You see, since the injury happened, for the last 4 weeks and maybe for the first time in my life, I really have been looking out for number one. In an attempt to give my body everything it needs to recover, I haven’t been drinking. I’ve cancelled my summer plans. I’ve been eating well. Sleeping as much as possible. I thought I was doing everything right.

And I guess I’m guttered because it feels like this focus and commitment to getting better has all been in vain. My good intentions have been knocked back to square one. It feels like someone out there is laughing at me for even trying to stay positive.

The worst thing to do is try to rationalize this situation, or re-play the scenario over in my head to work out what I could have done differently. You see, what makes it extra frustrating is when it happened, I was crutching around looking for the elevator. I realized I’d walked past it, and as I was walking back towards it, the slip happened. Imagine if I’d seen the elevator on the first run. I wouldn’t be here.


But hey.

There HAS to be something I can gain from this. There has to be something I can learn. There has to be some sort of reason.

Even though it feels backwards and regressive and slightly nonsensical, I’m determined to make this a worthwhile experience. I’ll keep treating myself kindly. I’ll keep searching for the good.

Because seriously. What else is the point?


7 Replies to “It’s All Go – But Not in the Way I’d Hoped”

  1. You’re an absolute trooper! You can be broken and miserable, or just broken! Imagine all the amazing things you’ll learn about yourself – how resilient you really are, and how you react to absolutely shitty situations (because even if it’s not the best reaction, you’ll know for the next shitty situation!) Keep on hustling!

  2. Hey Lucy!

    I hope the surgery went/goes well!

    Just wanted to pop in and give you (probably your billionth) peppy message of encouragement!

    This is all only temporary, so look at the positives in that! By the end of this year, hopefully you can look back at this and marvel at the hustle and determination you put into healing and getting on with your kicka** life!

    Your video the other day mentioned how this has turned out to be a great summer break – so don’t let this minor slip up (pun intended) get you down.

    We all work at our best capacity when we’re being challenged, and maybe the universe thought you were being challenged enough so it threw you a few curveballs. I’m excited to see what comes of it for you afterwards!

    Keep your head up and keep on hustling! Take things one Monday at a time 😉


    1. Hey Sarah – wow, thank you so much for that comment. The reminder that this is temporary is something I draw on often. I have definitely had a lot of time to plan for my future direction once I’m literally back up and running again – so something good has to come from that, surely!! Really grateful for the thought and energy you put into this comment. Just reading that makes me feel 200% better, even a few weeks on. xxxxx

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