How to date – according to YOU. A Valentine’s Day special.

If you’ve been following the old Instagram lately, you may have noticed a new shift in the kind of content I’m putting out. I’d describe it as much less #goals-ish.. And much more cynical and twisted. But like, satirically cynical and twisted because I’m not a bitter old man yet. However; I am frustrated.

See, recently I’ve been scrolling through my feed looking for inspiration, signing out after falling into a comparison rabbit hole for 10 hours too long and feeling fucking bad about myself. People are in love, in business, infatuated with their new Gucci bags, and I’m just over here hungover AF trying to pot plants.

To be honest. I’m over it. While I know that social media, technology and the online realm we basically exist in can be and is used for good – sometimes I wonder if we charge at these new apps, ideas and trends without really thinking about why.

After having been in the world of social media and blogging for two years, and experiencing both the good and the bad, I worry about the repercussions this fresh realm is having at both an individual and societal level. It’s a topic I’m committed to exploring further. In fact, from here on in, this is what Monday Hustle is all about – entertaining with intention and raising the social (media) conscience. Through social media. Ironic. I know. I’ll of course do a post explaining this change in due course, but for now – let’s keep it light.

Lately, I’ve been feeling the societal pressures of being a single female in my late 20’s. I know what your immediate reaction was. I’m so cool! How am I possibly single? I can only put it down to the fact that I’m intimidatingly hot or some shit.

Despite being quite content with where I’m at, other people seem to think it’s unfair that I only have myself to consider when deciding what to eat and that I get to sleep alone during this hot summer, and have thus encouraged me to join dating apps like Tinder and Bumble (technology, of course). I have yet to join these dating apps because I’m old school (plus I don’t need another excuse to be on my phone), but I reckon that one day I’ll bite the bullet and see what all the fuss about – probably for a Monday Hustle experiment of some kind.

I HAVE, however, been testing the waters of this topic on Instagram by playing up the desperately single card – and it’s been garnering a ridiculously good response. Note: I could easily be desperately single, but it was my NY’s resolution to be nonchalantly single – so here we are. Recently, I shared Dating Advice from a 12 year old, which went a little something like this:

Best places to look for dates: 

  1. A Library. Drop a book.
  2. A restaurant. Sit by yourself and ask if you can borrow the pepper and salt.
  3. Dating site. You might get cat-fished. Show your family the guy before so you don’t get cat-fished.
  4. Playground. Ask, ‘is this seat taken?’
  5. A shop. Ask, ‘do you know what to buy a boy your age?’
  6. The beach. Splash him with water ‘accidentally’.

Pro tips:

Go to basketball games to make sure they aren’t short. Act like you’ve just broken up with someone. Do not wear low cut tops if you have big boobs. Then you should fine your soul mate.

Of course, after I shared that post and saw how many lols it received, I asked you for your best dating advice – so without any further ado, here are some of the best responses:

Amanda – “My 11 year old’s advice? Go to da cluuub”

Antonia – “Don’t date people from the club”

Eugenia – “Go to the gym. At least you can see what you’re getting there”

Craig – “Never look bored, even if you are”

Phoebe – “Don’t be afraid to fail” (deep)

Sam – “Sleep with everyone and see who’s best”

Jen – “Do not attempt to date anyone who races speedway”

Luke – “Take my dog for a walk if you want to pull. Great conversation starter”

Hannah – “Just stick with coffee. It will always be there for you”

Katrina – “Pretend to pass out in public to see if he’s a keeper”

Belinda – “Don’t bother”

James – “Just be you” (Um, cute)

Petrina: “Hit and run”

Paulette – “Play it cool and always lead with, ‘new phone who dis?”

Harry – “I’ll date you”

Matthew: I’ll date you.

NB: I’m not dating Harry. And Matthew doesn’t exist.

Happy Valentine’s Day. Love yourself and stuff, but also this post is just for entertainment. Refreshing?? I think so.


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